Dealing with something like this just changes everything. It’s hard when your own mother disown you and don’t want nothing to do with you. As I writing this post, I just how hard it is, why she disown me and how to press forward with life. In this post I am give you some context on my situation with my mother, why I think it happened and how to deal with it. The first part will be the back story and the last part will be how I handle the situation. You can skip to the below to see how I deal with it.
My story:
Growing up with my mother was very different from other people. I have two brothers, the older one is my full brother and the little one is my half-brother. I also have two sisters as well but I didn’t grow up with them. So growing up my older lived with my real dad and my little brother dad which is my step dad was living with us and I was told that he was my real dad.
Well when I was 13 my older brother moved in with us and my real dad came over to give my older brother some money and he give me some money. I was so happy to get that money but my other brother said ( you don’t know, that’s your real dad) which mess up some but I was ok. Fast forward later in, my mom got a new house and my step dad moved out so it was just my mom, my aunt and my little brother living in the new house. During this time I start to see from my mom the hot cold syndrome.
The hot and cold syndrome is one minute they are happy and want to talk to you and the next minute they don’t want to look your way or talk to you. It’s was crazy how easily offended my mom and other family can get and when you have someone who is easily offended and they can change their mood to happy to mad fast, you just have a problem on your hands. It’s crazy how the hot cold syndrome work for her and she can be talking to you and the next minute she hates you. And she can stay mad for a long time and most of the time it’s nothing to be mad over.
So growing up with that mindset she had was hard, you can’t have a real talk with her over something she did without her shutdown talking and that is the one thing I don’t like, people shutdown and not wanting to talk. Once I turned 15 o was working 2 jobs in high school. A fast food place during the week and a hotel on the weekends. During that time I was giving my mom $250 per month for rent to help her out. I also was paying all of my bills and school dues. Fast forward when I moved out of the house, she would always ask for money all the time.
When I had the money, I would give it to her. Fast forward again, I was getting married. I was saving up money for our honeymoon. My mom called me and asked if I can give her some money, I told her no, I didn’t have the money to give and my money was tight. I think this was the start of disowning me. Had the wedding and everything was good.
I will call, text leave a voice mail and I will get no answer back. I have called her over 50 times with 30 texts and over 5 voice messages, no reply back from my mom. We sent my mom a birthday card in the mail and she took the card, place it in a envelope with my name on it and drove to our home and placed it in our mailbox. I didn’t understand why nor I deserve that. Again called to see what’s going on, no answer. So fast forward 4 months later my aunt calls me and she wanted my mom and I to sit down and talk. So I agreed and drove to her house with the cars she placed in our mailbox.
The first thing I brought up was the card, she tells me that she was mad when she did it. I haven’t talked to her in months maybe a year or so, why you mad I don’t know. Why don’t you answer the phone? She says that I don’t come by and cut your grass at her house. I said, you never asked me too, and when my little brother was living there, he was cutting the grass. Everything she was saying made no sense to me at all. So after talking more it sounded like she wanted me to baby her, I told her that I was not going to baby her and when I told her that she went mad. She told me to get out of her house, have a nice life, If I die today or tomorrow I will tell them not to tell you.
Now I am hearing all this, I am taking all of this for no reason at all. My aunt was there and she told my mom to clam down and listen to what I had to say but the damage has been done. So after she clam down, she told my sorry for everything. Then right after that she wanted me to go to the store for her. Now you told me all the negative things and now I wanted me to do something for you? So I went to the store trying to be nice but things did not change at all.
Nothing changed:
With all that talking nothing has changed with us. Right after that things didn’t get better, things remain the same. I would call her and no answer, I text and leave a voice message and nothing back in return. At this point it is hard to deal with when you have kids and your mom doesn’t want or even ask to see them. My son don’t know who she is and that is sad. I feel sorry for him. My wife parents are in his life and thank the lord for them, I pray for them everyday cause my side of the family can’t get along at all.
My dad passed away when I was 26 so 5 years now and it hurts that my son will never met him, and that is the saddest part about the whole thing. My dad is not here on this earth but my mom is and she don’t want to see him. It has been hard dealing with that and I try to push though for my family and man up but it does hurt from time to time. My wife family is total different, they can get along and they talk on the phone and they ask like family. So how do I deal with my mom disowning me?
How to deal with your mom disowning you?
Well the first thing I did was give it time. Time heals all wounds and this one is a big one. Make sure you did all you can to fix whatever it is. Sometimes people are just sit in there ways so if you can find out what is the problem is and talk about that. After you two talk it out, now is the time to slowly distance yourself from that people cause you know now how that person is, and you can’t deal with that mindset so the best thing to do is if y’all can fix the problem, slowly distance yourself from that person, cause you don’t need someone bringing you down all the time. You can love them from a far, and sometimes that is the only way.
Me and my older brother can’t get along for some reason, so I just love him from a far, talk to him on the phone every blue moon and that’s it. But if you keep calling someone and texting them and they don’t pick up the phone well you have done your part so you feel better about the problem. I know that I called my mom over 50 times with no answer, me and my wife sent my mom a birthday card in the mail during the time she wasn’t talking to us or picking up the phone for us, before our son was born. Do you know that when my mom got the card, she took the card, placed it inside of a envelope, written my name in it and then drove 20 mins to our house, place the card inside of our mail box, but why? This is pure evil and I did nothing to get that type of nasty action from her. See I did what I could do but it didn’t work.
After that and the non call pickups from her side I know that her mind is not right and she needed so real help. The main thing I did was slowly realize that the world is still spinning and time will move on with you or without you. This takes time but you have to slowly move on from them and live your life and focus on the people who gives cares about you. I think that will tend to focus on the people who treat us wrong and not enough time on the people who cares about you. The next step is try your best to move on with life. I tend to focus on this blog, my online business, my offline business that i am building up and my family. Those things tend to keep me busy.
Once 2020 came I say to myself, I am done with people who don’t care about me, who don’t reach out to me or my family, people who just care about themselves. I am not going to a new year with the same mindset that I have to figure out whats wrong with you when you can pick up the phone and call me. I am done with weak minded people in 2020 and beyond. From that day forward I am at a better place in my life.
Do not bring in the new year with things or people who don’t care about you. Life is too short to worry about why they are mad at me when you can pick up a phone and call. I am at the point now that If my mom or brother were to call and say sorry for the past and everything else, I would answer the call and accept to apology. But after that i would keep it like I have it now, I would never put myself back into the situation ever again so I would love them from a far and keep things like it is now, just talk on the phone when you pick up the phone. My mom has shown her true colors, she showed me who she truly is and that I what you have to do. Once you see who someone truly is by their actions and words, you have to make a choice neither to continue dealing with that person or not.
I see her true colors and I see someone who is weak minded, and don’t care about anyone but yourself. I have seen that over and over again so why deal with that. I know it;s hard to slowly move away from that person and it took me 3 years and I am still working on it but you will feel better. You have too take life my the horns and get things done for yourself, Prayer does help and you can try that for yourself if you like, I know I did and it did help out. it will come a time where you have to move on cause life will move on with you or without you. So you have to man up or woman up and take on the life itself.
So to recap on how to deal with your mom disowning you, the first thing to do is to fix the problem or try to see what to problem is if you can. Try your best to call or text your mom and see what is the deal. Next if yall can work on it, that’s good but after that I would pull back some and give less and less of yourself to her. find yourself a side hustle or start a blog or YouTube channel like I did and put out your story to help people. Keep busy helps and time helps, when the new year comes, don’t let people from last year do the same thing that gets you down into the new year.
Check out the video below. It’s Ricky smiley talking about letting people go in your life. I watch this video 5 times now and it really helped me out.
